Dude 445, what the fuck is wrong with me?

Okay. Something is wrong with me.   I'm not so proud that I can't admit it.

This post has two components to it. The hook up, which was actually mediocre, and the other component, which is what the fuck is wrong with me?

I am still having trouble achieving orgasm with the amigo.  The weird thing is, it's about the best sex I have ever had!

Amigo's blowjobs are a definite 10.  He doesn't love sucking me off, but he knows that I love it and he gives it his all.  And it's pretty damn good, up there with the top 10%.  If the stimulation is so great? Why do I not always orgasm?

I do however come more often with his blowjobs, then I do with backdoor penetration.
The blowjob success ratio is about 65%, however, when I top the amigo, I'm operating at about a 10% success rate, if that.

Again, I do not know why.  He has totally relaxed, and screwing him in the ass feels better than just about anything in the world.  He loves it too, and doesn't hesitate to show it.

Why then, does my dick go limp usually?  And to make matters worse, if I take my little blue pill, I stay plenty hard enough, and I get to screw for a long, long time, until I'm exhausted.  The poor Amigo loves it.........for a while.  But even he must get tired of it.

Lately, my hands have always been cold.  The amigo is a furnace, so my favorite thing to do is put my cold hands around his neck, Or other body parts.

He absolutely hates it, and always recoils, asking me why I am so mean to him.  Of course I find this absolutely hilarious and it just encourages me more.  It's like tickling his feet, it drives him absolutely berserk. And now, I can't walk by his socked foot without being instantly attracted to it and wanting to tickle it!  Usually I resist, but I know he is watching me waiting for the attack.

Oh yes, back to the cold hands. I was wondering if my constantly cold hands, and erectile dysfunction, where a symptom of poor circulation.  Also, I must say I have a little less libido.

Now last fall, I was going to see the urologist. This was a result of drippy dick syndrome, and no one could figure out why.  I never did find out.  I think it was an urinary tract infection. I think I got it from fucking some kid in the ass, without a condom.

The urologist was quite concerned about my low testosterone from my blood test results, although I had absolutely no other symptoms, except a slightly raised PSA level.  I had plenty of energy, a high libido, and was not depressed.  I was downright perky for a 52-year-old basically grumpy guy.

My testosterone levels were beginning to bounce back over a couple of months period, and the PSA count dropped and I am supposed to go in for another check up this spring, or summer.

Also, I have noticed that my urine stream isn't very strong.

So, in the back of my mind, I am wondering if I have an enlarged prostate, or even prostate cancer.

Well, it's Friday morning, and I haven't ejaculated since Monday, I think.

I will usually jack off in the mornings, if I have time, but I have sort of held off, thinking the Amigo was going to show up for a sleep over this week.  He hasn't.

So I was feeling a little frisky this morning, and instead of jacking off, I put an ad on Craigslist.

Pretty quickly I got a response from an older married gentleman in a downtown hotel, who offered to suck me off.

I wasn't feeling that horny, and was a little worried about my performance.  I drove to the hotel.

The guy was rushed to check out and said he didn't have much time.  I said I would do my best, but I was not a quick cummer.  He seemed worried.  I was a little worried too.

The Gentleman's long cock.

I took off my shoes, Levi's and boxers, and sat back on the bed, while this gentleman went to work on my soft dick.  At first the blowjob was fairly good with lots of tongue, although it lacked suction.  By now, his pants were around his ankles, and he was jacking his long skinny cock, as he leaned over me and sucked my dick.

I started to inflate, and come to life, and he commented on how nice my dick looked, and asked me to grab his.  I did as he requested and stroked his long skinny cock for a bit and it stiffened.

The gentleman reminded me of this guy

He sucked me for a minute more, and then pulled off, and I told him I thought he was getting me close.

It was true. Even though I had only been in his mouth only a couple of minutes, I could feel my orgasm rising.

He told me that was good, and he wanted to use my cum as lube to jack himself off.

Well he went back to work, and it wasn't the best blowjob like I said, but damn, if I didn't start blasting off only a minute later!

or maybe this guy.

He took most of my wad in his mouth, then stood up, and I could see his cock starting to shoot as well.  He spit my gob into his hand and then stroked himself and ride out his orgasm.

In the meantime, I got up went to the bathroom and got a washcloth and wiped myself off.  I also grabbed a hand towel and threw it to him, as he had spermed all over the hotel sheets.  How rude!

So, here I was, with a total stranger, who wasn't ugly, but not particularly attractive, certainly not as attractive as my amigo!

Next, his blowjob lacked skill.  On a scale of 1 to 10 it was about a three, while the amigo comes in at a very solid 10!

So, obviously my problem is not physical.  I am quite capable of getting hard and coming quick if I need to.

I guess, the first thing is I need to find out what my problem is.  But that is just the start, isn't it?  Simply knowing what the problem is, is not a solution in and of itself.

The amigo thinks it is pornography. I guess it could be. They say porn rewires the brain.

Oddly enough, it's been a topic on our local news.  There's a group running around the public schools teaching the evils of pornography addiction.

As a bit of history, I have always had problems achieving orgasm during coitus.  This happened with my first girlfriend at age 17, and with the other girls I was with in my early 20s.  I always just thought it was because I was more attracted to guys, and the female parts were not arousing enough.

Then, when I fucked my first guy, I didn't come.  Not the second or third either.  I think it was maybe my 6th.  At that time, I thought it must be the condom.  Now that I get to fuck bare, and it feels so great, I know it's something else.

Anyway, if any of you have been through a similar situation, I would love to hear about it.  I looked for some help on the Internet, but it is such a broad problem. I am not sure that any of the specific advice applied to me.

As always, thanks for reading!

Valentine's day

Because of some conflicting commitments tomorrow, on the REAL Valentine's day, Amigo and I celebrated last night by going out to dinner.  We had a great time.  We went to one of those Brazilian Steak houses.  I guess that's what they are called.  They don't really serve steaks though.  It's really a Brazilian MEAT house.  It's all you can eat, carnivore style.  You have a little token on your table, and when it's right-side-up with the green end showing, The "Gouchos come to your table with these swords, stacked with grilled meat, and carve off slices right on to your plate!  They keep coming every few minutes until you are too stuffed to eat any more, and you turn your token over, to red-side-up, and they stop the assault.

After we got home, I gave him a card and and gift.  The card was a funny one.  Well, I thought it was funny.  The gift was 4 pair of sexy underwear.  He likes those, and I don't mind that he wears them, but they're not for me.  I'm a plain old boxer's man.

Of course the night ended with a different sort of meat-fest, and a sleep over.

I am growing more fond of Amigo as the weeks pass.  It's crazy how much I've changed in the 5 months we have been "dating."

I still have no idea what the future holds.  He doesn't bring up his financial dilemmas anymore.  I'm not sure if he's figured out a solution, or is just hiding his head in the sand until the shit hits the fan.

For now anyway, things are nice. Mellow.  Comfortable.

Looking back, this is the longest "relationship" I've had since I was a senior in high school, with my first girlfriend.  I really lack practice at being a boyfriend.  I know I could certainly be more verbal with my affection, but I am cautious about the "L" word around the Amigo.  I'm afraid of commitment.

We even chatted a bit about that last night, and he mentioned that even though I don't "say" it, my actions demonstrate my affection.

And, for now, I feel pretty good about that.

Dude 444 Another "feather" in my cap.

I still turn on Grindr from time to time, and this morning was one of those times.  I should have gone to the gym (it is Wednesday, after all) but when a young man says he woke up and was looking to suck some dick, I felt a little charitable.  I'm practically a damn saint!

As you can see from the Grindr screen captures, it's wasn't that difficult.  The kid was nice enough.  He lived in a crappy apartment complex, but his room was neat and tidy, even if the wall were a bit grungy.  I sat on the edge of the bed, while he alternated between so-so blow job and so-so hand job.

I had neglected to make sure he would let me cum in his mouth beforehand, and by the overabundance of hand in this encounter, I was pretty sure that cumming in his mouth wasn't in the cards, still I was hopeful.

As I crested, I let him know I was about to blow, and sure enough, he pulled off and milked me by hand.  It wasn't a particularly spectacular sight either.  Just a couple of dribbles.  I asked for a paper towel to clean up with afterwards, and he offered me a nearby bath towel, so I accepted.

I guess I should have just jacked off at home, and saved myself the guilt, but, what's done is done.

More to come later this week.

6 years ago today

It was 6 years ago today.

6 years ago that I had my first Craig's List encounter with another guy, that started me down this crazy path.  After decades of near celibacy, I got a blow job, sucked a dick and had my ass eaten, and tasted the addictive drug know as the "anonymous hook-up."

Or, so I thought.  I look back to the beginning of this blog, and realized that the date was a little off.  Then I remembered that I started this blog two years after my first encounter.  I had written about it to a friend, and in my diary of sorts, but not made it public until two years later, in 2011.

So, I went back through my old e-mails.  Sure enough, there was documentation of the encounter, but apparently it happened on January 29, 2009, not February 1, 2009 so I'm still off.

As my memory fails, I'm happier than ever to have this blog.  I've had some crazy times indeed!

 Now, things have settled down.

Amigo is still by my side.

I'm not sure what he's worked out as far as his financial or immigration problems.  We talked about it a little yesterday, but he then changed the subject.  I think, like me, he's avoiding the problem and enjoying the moment where we can be together.

And it appears we are still together.

It's hard for my icy cold heart to admit, but I grow fonder of Amigo, each weekend we spend together.  Last weekend for example, the new bigger bed arrived.  No longer are two grown men forced to sleep together on a full size mattress, but have the luxury of a nice queen size.  It really doesn't change anything for me though.  I'm still pushed up to the cliff edge of the bed as Amigo in his unconscious sleepy state, inches closer and closer, cuddle cuddle cuddle, until I'm almost off the edge.  I like it.

And, almost every night we are together, watching a DVD or Netflix on the couch, and Amigo absolutely cannot stay awake.  He always falls asleep on my shoulder or on my chest.  The two exceptions;  Watching "Sex Tape" on DVD, and watching a penguin documentary on PBS.   I have no idea what the correlation is.

So, in 6 years I went from closeted porn watching confused middle aged single guy, to still confused still middle aged, but out to the parents and sister boyfriend guy.  I still have trouble saying the word "gay" but I guess, if the shoe fits.........

The Amigo and I at Sundance in Park City