Chico and the Man

Things are pretty steady for me and Amigo at the moment.   We are back in the routine of him going to school during the week, then taking the train here on Friday night, and spending the weekend, until I drop him off, back at the train station early Monday morning.

Of course, this week it will be Tuesday morning because of the MLK day holiday.

It's grown surprisingly comfortable.

I never really thought of myself as a particularly cuddly individual.  It's not like I'm made of stone or anything, but all the touch feely stuff was never high on my priority list.

It's really high on Amigo's priority list.  He could survive on kisses, hugs and caresses alone.  He wouldn't need food or drink.

That being said, I've become pretty darn comfortable with the cuddling.  I love, love, love watching a TV/Netflix movie with Amigo, while cuddling up on the couch.  Amigo likes it too, but it's a powerful anesthetic, and he falls asleep in my arms every time.  With out fail.  He simply cannot stay awake if I'm on that couch with him.

We also like naps.  Sometimes we spoon, and sometimes he curls up into my chest, even though he's the slightly bigger guy physically.

Saturday, he was upstairs doing his homework, and I had 30 minutes of free time, so I lay down on the couch for a snooze.  When Amigo found out, he was pissed that I took my siesta without telling him.  As if I had deprived him of a meal.

Amigo also like to get drilled.  Nailed.  Laid.  He likes it a lot.  We're both getting better at it, although my inability to orgasm while topping is still quite baffling.  The wonderful feeling of fucking him in his ass should bring me to an immediate climax!  Honestly, I don't think I could make it feel any more stimulating and good, but somehow I fail to climax, more often than not.

One thing that worked the other day; after we screwed for about 10 minutes, I started going soft.  I pulled out, and we cuddled for a minute and it was decided I would go and wash my dick in the bathroom and return for a nice BJ.

My body responded favorably to the oral, and soon I was near the plateau.  Instead of blowing my wad in his mouth, I pulled out and mounted Amigo, and rode off into the sunset, guns a blazing!  That time it worked out well and everyone was happy.  I think we're going to try that method some more.

Have I mentioned that Amigo always want's to film us, with his iPhone?   He's taken a couple videos so far.  I know it's a little risky, but both of our faces are clearly visible, so I doubt he'll want to show it around.

It sure has given me a new perspective on myself.  Of course I've used my own iPhone to film my clandestine encounters with hook ups in the past, but I take what I can get, the camera in never in the optimum place, and the lighting is poor.

Not this time.  I get to see myself in fully lighted, high-definition glory.  And, I must say, I am surprised at what I see.  I had a different self image for sure.   It's hard to explain.  I look much thicker and solid that I thought.  Instead of a wiry monkey climbing around in the bed, I'm a fairly masculine looking almost beefy guy, dominating my partner.  Me?  Beefy?  It's something I hadn't ever expected of myself.

I'm not that happy with my small gut, nor my poor posture, but at age 52, I'm not complaining.  At the risk of sounding conceited, I also have to compliment my ass!

Yesterday morning, we set up both his phone, and mine, and hit record at the same time.  Unfortunately, neither of us gave Oscar performances, but it was fun to try and cut these two angles together.  Amigo's phone captured the "wide shot" from profile, while my phone got the "close up" from the foot of the bed, mostly featuring my ass, drilling poor Amigo.

And don't ask to see this one.  It's going to remain private.

An update on our situation;  well it's still pretty uncertain.  It seems Amigo's financial situation at his school, may ultimately be insurmountable.  I know this is not my problem and was not caused by any decisions that I made, but I still feel bad for the guy.

I think Amigo has realized that I will not be his sugar daddy, nor will I be his knight in shining armor that comes to his rescue.  Still, I think he would rather face these challenges with me, than look for another knight to save him.  He's also mentioned that turning back to the Mormon church isn't really an option he's willing to consider.

Amigo satisfies me sexually while he's around.  He more that satisfies me romantically, and I have no interest in seeking romantic dates with anyone else.  I still have a tendency to turn on grinder and consider hooking up with others during the week, but I'm trying to be good.  I haven't made any commitment to him to be faithful, although I know he'd be crushed to find out that hooked up with anyone else.  Also, I really, really don't want to bring anything nasty home, and infect Amigo.

So, it's one week at a time for us.

I'll try to keep you posted.  It's good therapy for me.

Asian Fusian

Last week while visiting Mom in Sunny Southern California, I had the opportunity to meet a fellow blogger.

This is the first time I have been able to actually meet another blogger, or, for that matter, a reader of my blog!

I had such a good time.

He was working, so the only time we could meet was lunch time, or after work.  Because I didn't want to get stuck in LA traffic, and other things, I chose lunch time.  My blogger buddy bought lunch and we munched Asian Fusion food from a nearby food truck.

I don't think I've ever had Asian Fusion before, but mine consisted of a burrito, with grilled meat along with a wad of french fries inside.  While the meat was tasty, the fries were merely filling.  Too filling, plus, I was so busy flapping my gums telling my story that I barely had time to eat.

This meeting was right in the middle of the latest Amigo Drama, so the Blogger listened patiently, and gave me some advice when asked.  Blogger also filled me in on personal details of his life that I was very, very curious about.  It was so much fun.  

I guess I need to get some actual gay people in my social life that I can talk to sometimes.

I had a mental picture in my mind, about Blogger.  He has a nice slim torso picture on his profile, so I should have known he would be hot.  But, in my mind, he looked like another guy that I used to blow, so in my mind he wasn't so fit and trim.  But, in fact he was smoking hot.

I wondered about his perception of me, and of course in many ways I wasn't what he expected.  I loved his description;

 I can totally empathize with picturing a certain person when you interact with someone. For me though, it was a bit more cerebral.  The way you write, I was expecting a bit more of a cocky frat guy type that's heavily closeted and paranoid. I know there's a lot of judgement in that statement but I swear I mean it in an archetype level than a criticism of your writing. I mean, you're writing about hookups so it's really about getting your nut, which then makes it seem like you're a little egocentric with your needs... But you're actually really sensitive in an earnest and novel way.  Ugh, I'm doing a horrible job of explaining what I mean. Like, I was expecting someone that's very direct in a hot masculine sort of way but instead you're more direct in a more contemplative and equally hot but sincere way. Is that a little better?

I love that from my writing, he thought I was a (older version of) a cocky, closeted frat guy!  Is that what everyone pictures?  Oh, if only I could get in all your heads!

In reality I feel like such a bumbling dork, with a few left over self esteem issues, and he thought I was a cocky frat guy type.  Bless his handsome heart.

Thanks for meeting me Blogger.  I didn't mention you specifically, because I wanted the other readers to enjoy the puzzle, of figuring out who you are.  I hope you're cool with that.

The Drama Continues. I hope not.

Okay.  I have learned my lesson.  I can't let the drama of others, especially Amigo affect me.

AND, I hope not to blog about it in the future.

However, here's the latest.

Amigo sent me an e-mail, saying he wanted to come over and stay the night and talk face to face.  I had pretty much decided it would probably be best just to end it.  I received some advice from TwoLives,  which you can read in the comments of my last post.

So, then I got a surprise phone call from Amigo.  We had a nice chat, and I started to change my thinking.  I told Amigo he could come see me, and we could sort things out in person, but he wasn't going to spend the night.  He had to go back home.  He had to cut the phone call short as his class was starting, but promised to call afterwards.

He called later and told me he was going to take the train to SLC to come and talk, then would go back home.

I picked him up.  After three weeks, of being apart, I'll have to admit, I found him more handsome that ever.

When we got to the house, we had some dinner, and talked about everything.

I asked him to clarify his e-mailed response to me;

Ok, no problem so this is over. I will start to ask to my friends in (Another Town) and start to go back to the church. I hope the best to you and I will walk alone to next step!!! 

As I suspected, it was a knee jerk response to my rejection of the idea of living together.  He said he was really stressed out and should not have sent it.

We talked about his future plans, and his expectations.  I talked about how I had been holding off or at least cutting down on hooking up because I didn't want to bring anything (STDs) back to him and I let him know I wasn't going to commit to a totally monogamous relationship.

He didn't give me the green light for random hookups or anything, but he didn't say it was off the table if we continue to date.

So, after all of the talking, my heart started to melt a little.  Picture the Grinch, when he saw all the Whos enjoing Christmas.

I told him he should not take the train back.  He should stay the night if he wanted.

He wanted.

Of course.

I took a boner pill and we cuddled on the couch.
Soon enough things heated up on the couch and progressed to the bedroom.  I won't go into details, but the Amigo was totally satisfied, and it felt good to satisfy him.

We returned to the couch and tried to watch "Chasing Amy" on Netflix.  I say tried, because a movie on my couch is like a sleeping pill to the Amigo.

I don't think we have ever made it through a whole movie where he didn't fall asleep in my arms while watching, and last night was no exception.

We had a peaceful snugly night, and then I satisfied the Amigo one more time before getting him to the train station at 6:10 AM so he could return to his job and classes at school.

So, for now, I think that things are back to normal, for me.  He's got some struggles now, and I don't know what his solutions may be, but he's a big boy, and I'm sure he'll figure it out.

I'm sorry that I got caught up in the Drama, and needed to vent/share, but I really do appreciate the support and comments.  I'm going to try and take my own advice and not get caught up in this stuff again, and let the drama pass by for a day or two before I react to it.

Thanks for reading.  Whew.

Update.

Hi everyone and thanks for the great comments.  It's clear what should happen.

I gave it a lot of thought, and I think I'm holding Amigo back.  His reference about church was a little misleading.  He converted to Mormonism about 10 years ago.  That's essentially why he is here.  He found a nice Mormon family to host him while he attended school.  That only lasted a couple of years,  and he moved out, and rented a room in a house with several other single guys, while continuing school.  Perhaps he did this so he could be a little more comfortable with his sexuality, I'm not entirely sure.

He has been considering asking the family to move back in with them so he can  afford to pay tuition.   Mormons have a strong sense of community and they have a great safety net.  Amigo really believes the Mormon (religious and spiritual) stuff, but of course it's hard because he has realized he is gay.  You CAN be gay and be a Mormon.  You CANNOT  be a good Mormon and continue to have gay sex.

This is a great source of conflict for Amigo, I am sure.

If he moves back to the family, he would be expected to go to church every Sunday.  This would be an end to our Saturday night sleep overs.

Several hours after my last blog post, Amigo sent me another e-mail:

We should talk about it. I'm so busy this week, but we will talk about this face to face. 

No worries you're amazing guy!!!

Sent from my iPhone

And so I replied with a long, two-page letter I had composed, BEFORE I left for California.  I basically outlined my feelings, my expectations, and my fears.  Summed up, it basically said, we had little hope for a future together, but it's fun for now if you want to continue.

After Amigo read the long winded and probably incomprehensible diatribe I wrote (in English unfortunately) he e-mailed back the following:

Thanks for you honesty in this email, I could see something that I have ready seem in you before. You are wonderful guy and I think that we could get a great life together, but I am Mexican and early or lately I should go back my country. My fault is not born in this country!!! 

Let go to talk Saturday!!!! 

Amigo!!! 


Again, I'm not entirely sure what he's trying to say, but I think I get the gist of it.

I arrived home last nigh.  Oddly enough, a cute nerdy self-proclaimed "Otter" kid, from Grindr offered to pick me up from the airport.

(huge side track here;  The Otter kid, is a recent college graduate, into silver daddies I guess, and loves to cuddle.  He's got a great body,  and cuddling for cuddling sake isn't really my thing, but damn, he's so hot, and I love stroking his soft furry chest and groin!  AND, although he won't do anything but hand jobs to me, he lets me suck him off.  And it's great by the way.  He is actually Dude 412)

Back to the main Drama:

Amigo sent me a text last night welcoming me home.  I didn't respond.  An hour later, at 8PM another text saying "I done with my classes for today!!! It too late."

Now I'm not sure if he meant that it was late in general, or his classes sure do go late, or "it's too late to come and visit you tonight."

(Earlier in the week, before all of the DRAMA, I had asked him to come to my house the night I arrived so we could celebrate my return.  A nice fuck and sleep over were implied)

So, I responded to his texts this morning:

Good Morning Amigo.

I got your texts last night.   I made it back home with no problem.  I had a change of planes in Phoenix, but it was easy.  I got home in the afternoon.

Do you still want to get together on Saturday to talk face to face?

I think meeting for lunch might be a good idea.

Let me know.

His Response:

Good morning (Endearing Spanish Term Removed), 

I'm even interested about you. My feeling are a little be confuse, but there are many things in my mind right now. I hope that we can keep together. I would love see you tonight and figure out a solution together. 

Let me know!!!

Sent from my iPhone

So, I'm going to wait, and let him know that a sleep over tonight is NOT in the cards, and we should talk face to face.  I would like to tell him it's time to take a break, but I'm hoping maybe that's what he will tell me, and then I can just agree.  By the sounds of it though, I think he's going to make it difficult, and not want the clean break.

I hate to keep doing this by e-mail, so maybe we can get together before Saturday and do our face to face.  I also hate to string him along, but also don't want to cause him grief and drama during the school week, as he already has enough on his mind.

Drama. Just what I always wanted.

I'm gonna just unburden myself this morning.

I can't remember how much about my new Amigo I've told you about, but to recap, he's 44.  He's Mexican, here in the US taking international business classes at a local college, 45 minutes from me in Ogden, Utah.

He's also struggling.  He is allowed to work part time at the University, and he uses this money to pay for his school .  Along with a little scholarship money, he barely makes ends meet.  He rents a room in a house, near the University, has no car, but uses the public transit system.  He rides for free as a student.

In December he was very worried about the upcoming semester.  He wasn't going to make it financially.  He was hinting for me to help.  To pitch in, either with financial help, or ask him to move in with me to free up the rent money.

I didn't respond to the hints except to express my concern.  I'm worried that him leaning on me financially will tarnish our relationship.  In the long run, I'm not looking for someone to take care of.  I'm looking for someone to share my life with.  Give and take.

I've wondered too what the Amigo sees in me.  I hope I wasn't just appealing as a meal ticket and a provider, someone to marry for citizenship, but the thought has crossed my mind.

I recently came out to my parents and sister.  This is because it was becoming awkward having the Amigo around on the weekends, and me having to cover my tracks.

Now, my Mom and Sister have both talked with Amigo on FaceTime.  Everyone seems quite happy with the situation.

I thought Amigo had his financial situation figured out, that's what he led me to believe when I asked him about it in a recent phone call, but here is the e-mail exchange we had this morning:


Good morning (Jack), 

I have a question for you. What are your future plans with me, well knowing now that your family knows you are gay and we have been dating for a while ? I don't wanna be rude about this, but I wanna know that you think about this and know what could be my expectations with you.  Maybe you don't know care, but I have my own life and this come with many challenges which you ready know them. I every semester I have many problems, but these have solution so I am usually very stressed about this. In this moment I am again worry  about this, but as I told you these is normal for me.

I am wondering and seeing best for you and I at same time. Have you thought if we can live together latelly. As i told you the last time, I am wondering to ask a some family in (a town)  whom maybe they could help me to live with them and so instead to pay rent a someone else, this money could be paid at School.  Nevertheless, I should know that you're thinking also because you are very important to me. 

SORRY, IF I'M BEING  VERY HONEST, BUT I HAVE TO FIND SOLUTION AND SEE WHICH IS MY CHALLENGES SO FAR.

Thanks,

(Amigo)



Good morning Amigo.

I am glad you are being honest with me.

Right now I am enjoying dating you.  I like hanging out together, and the sex and the cuddling.   I do not want to live together.  That will be too much for me right now.   This is all still very new to me, I have been single for so long, it's difficult for me to change.  I really don't have much experience in relationships.

I told my parents my secret so I would not have to be dishonest with them any more.  It was becoming difficult to explain on the weekends when you were around.   Now I won't have to lie about that anymore.

I know you have your life to live, and I know that you want a serious relationship with someone.  I am worried that I may never want to get THAT serious.  

But, for right now, I enjoy our time together, I hope you do too.


Thanks for being honest and asking the question.



Ok, no problem so this is over. 

I will start to ask to my friends in (a town) and start to go back to the church. 

I hope the best to you and I will walk alone to next step!!! 


Sent from my iPhone


Are you telling me you don't want to see me any more?  Do you want to call?


And then; Silence.

My experience with Amigo has been that there are language difficulties and mis-communication.  I try to be as clear as possible, and skip the niceties.

Also, I've learned not to over react.  Usually, he comes around in a day or two, and it seems that everything is all right.

So, I return home from California tomorrow.  I'm not sure if I will have an Amigo to return to, or not.

Conflicting Desires. Honesty. Dude 443

With all of the nice comments I've been receiving lately, I kind of hate to spoil it by writing about yet another hookup, but I think I need to be honest.  Especially with myself, and this is a great forum to do that.

I just got back from getting a blowjob, in the Albertson's Parking lot.

I feel relieved, but a bit like a heel.

I know Amigo would not want this to occur, but really, we are just dating, right?  I know I haven't made any monogamy commitments, but then why do I feel guilty?

Because Amigo is a nice guy and I'm a nice guy and I know what I just did would hurt his feelings if he found out, and really I don't want to hurt his feelings.

So, here's the long and short of it, for the record.  I'm still in Southern California, 16 days into a 20 day visit.  I've been checking out Grindr, and today, when I went to Lowe's to buy some paint, I took the opportunity to ask a nearby gentleman if he's like to suck me off, and he agreed.

He didn't mention an age, but I'm guessing around 40.  Nice guy.  We met in a parking lot and drove to a secluded corner.  He didn't hesitate to jump in the back seat with me and just go down.

The combination of his skills (7.5/10) and my libido, had me squirting in his mouth in about 5 minutes, unusually fast for me.  Then he wanted to hug me and caress me and do some awkward cuddling, but I just wanted to get back home to Mom's so she wouldn't wondering why it was taking me so long to buy paint.

And so that is that.  Dude #443.  Done.