My work project ended last week, and the Amigo came Thursday night and spent the night. He went back to school Friday, but returned Friday night and spent the entire weekend here. That seems to be the new norm. He even returned Monday night, so that's 5 nights in a row I had my cuddle buddy in the bed.
Sleeping with someone else is new for me. I've spent 51 years sleeping alone. It's an adjustment, but so far I like it. I have been thinking a lot about getting a new bed. It's time. My old one is at least 20 years old. It's a full size bed, and not really built for two grown men, even if we're both smaller framed guys. And it squeaks. Especially under "extreme" circumstances, which occur frequently when Amigo is around.
I still have difficulty achieving orgasm when having sex. The amigo is getting better at giving me a nice BJ when I fail. I love that. Once however, things still didn't happen for me, and the Amigo gave up after 14 minutes of blowing me. Last Sunday however, he got on his knees, and I watched some internet porn and he gave me an A+ hoover job. Man, that was nice.
I can usually get him off with a hand job (something that holds little interest when done to me) in just a few minutes. He doesn't seem much interested in his own orgasm, but since it's important to me, he allows it to happen.
The next test of our "friendship" is about to occur.
I'm leaving town for three weeks, to visit my parents in Southern California.
I feel bad because Amigo is stuck here. He's a starving student. He works at the University, part time to earn money for his tuition. He's only allowed to work part time.
It's finals week right now, so he's busy with that, but after this week, there is no school. That means no classes for Amigo, and no work. He has a 2 or 3 week break with nothing to do, and I'm going to be gone as well.
I am in the middle of composing a long e-mail to tell the Amigo how I feel about our lopsided relationship. I find face to face communication difficult. There are so many thoughts running through my head that I want to share, but I can't seem to organize them into words. It doesn't help that my thoughts and feelings are conflicted.
I'm enjoying the boyfriend experience, but I miss the hookup scene too. I like being with Amigo, but I like my alone time as well. I'm not "out" to anyone, so we keep our romance contained to inside the house. Is that the life I want to have?
I want to wait to send my e-mail to Amigo. His last final is Thursday. The same day that I leave town. I don't want to add any more stress to his life until after his finals.
I spent a couple hours trying to organize and jot down my thought last night. It didn't help that I was swilling beer. Or did it? I'm less reserved while a little tipsy, that's for sure. I'll take another crack at it today.
As for my extracurricular activities, I've cut way down on hooking up since the Amigo and I have started dating. Only one NSA hookup, last weekend while he was away. Unfortunately, I can't say my intentions have been strictly pure.
I still check out Craigslist and Grindr. I've tried to put together hookups, but they have fallen through. I'm no angel, that's for sure. I'm not even sure I want to be.
I think the time apart will be good. It may give us both valuable reflection time.
Wish me luck, and Happy Holidays everyone.
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| Amigo and I checking out the lights at Temple Square |
From what I can tell you are two good looking guys!!!
ReplyDeleteI'm trying to imagine what Amigo will think of your letter. The first question that comes to mind is, what would you like to come of it? Do you want something to change? More freedom or independence? Or do you want something about his attitude to change...perhaps for him to be less intense about your friendship??
ReplyDeleteAlso, although I see the logic for why you'd wait until finals are over to send the letter, the fact that you're not going to see each other for three weeks could make the letter's timing, at least in Amigo's mind, very suspect. I could imagine he'd see it as a break-up letter.
As you said, the time apart will give you both the opportunity to reflect on your connection. I suggest that you let that happen, without the influence of the letter (the purpose or contents of which could be different in three weeks anyway), and revisit the idea a week or so after you return. To me, that seems like a more positive and productive way to communicate - unless you really do intend the letter to break you up. If that's the case, then the timing would make sense.
Enjoy your time in So Cal!
Good luck, may the right thing happen for you, whatever that is. You're doing the right thing, writing down what you think, revisiting it later, before you send. Maybe you already sent it. Maybe you decided against it. But in the end thoughtful honesty is the right thing to do. But it's best to tell people what you think and want… when you really know what you think and want.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the comments guys. I have not sent the letter. Two Lives gave me some insight that the letter might be construed as a break up letter, and that's not really what I mean it to be.
ReplyDeleteSo, I'll just hang on to it for now. It's helped me clarify a few things in my own mind, and that's a good first step.
Glad you decided to wait on sending the letter. Have a great time in So. Cal.
ReplyDeleteBlkJack
I have been reading and perving on your stories for a long time, just like you want me to do. But I have to say that this particular storyline is the best one ever. I am really happy for you that you've got a friend, however you call it. What you describe -- getting your dick sucked, cuddling, sleeping over, and my God, going out to see Christmas lights -- is all shockingly normal and healthy. And good for you!
ReplyDeleteYour posts have echoed my life in some ways. I have a new-ish Amigo of my own these days. You describe getting a bigger bed maybe; we did that together. You have some of the same wistful desires that I do about still wanting to hook up. (I'm very out and in a big city. It'd be super easy.) But love, basically, is what you are having here, and it's special. Keep going. Who knows what you will find.