You see, my name isn't really Jack. Jack is the gay guy that lives inside of me. I suspect there are a lot of Jacks that read my blog.
Jack did all of the fun stuff that I secretly wanted to try. Jack had all the adventures and hookups, but when it came to romance, well, the line between Jack and myself got a little fuzzy.
A year and a half ago, when I was on a houseboat, on Lake Powell, with a group of gay guys, it was me that got flirted with. I got hit on by a handsome compact Latino man, and it was me who finally accepted that I could give this thing a try. I dipped my foot in the romance pool and tested the waters, and guess what? I liked it.
I'm in California, visiting my parents. They've been divorced since I was 16, but now, both re-marred we are all in the same city, for a short time for the purpose of a holiday family get together. I've been at Dad's for a week and a half, and tomorrow morning, we'll all have breakfast together, and Dad will hand me off to Mom, and we'll drive back to her house.
This is when I plan to tell them.
That's the plan at least.
Tell them what? You know. It's hard for me to even get the words out. I'm pretty sure I have the courage, and I've been practicing it in my head.
"Hey, I've been wanting to tell you something. For a couple months, I've been dating someone, and that someone is another guy."
That's all I have planned for now. I'm hoping that will crack the door open for a dialog.
I've known for awhile that the time was right for sharing my secret with my parents. I can't hide it any longer with out being truly deceitful and out right lying. Not with my Amigo spending weekends at my house.
I don't really want to do this, but it's going to be easier than hiding it the rest of their lives. I know that things won't really change between us. Luckily my parents are not like that. I'm a little ashamed that a 52 year old guy is struggling with the courage to tell his parents a simple truth about himself.
Myself.
So, my faithful blog readers, wish me luck. Wish me courage. It's been great to open up to you guys and have you along with me on my journey.
This may be the beginning of the end for Jack, but who knows, maybe I'll pick up where ol Jack left off.
Good luck Jack - it will be fine. I have been a faithful reader of your blog and feel like a friend. I wish you much happiness...you deserve it!
ReplyDeleteI'm so impressed Jack. Your ability to grow, change and be honest about it all is inspirational.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure your parents just want you to be happy. I can't wait to hear how it all plays out.
Jack.... Just remember that telling your parents is not something you are doing for them, you are doing it for you. Being open and honest about your sexual life is not always easy, but in the long run it will make you a much happier and healthier person.
ReplyDeleteWhat a powerful moment. Regardless of outcome, whether your plans go according to plan or not and whatever the aftermath, it's still very powerful and I thank you for sharing it.
ReplyDeleteDon't do it. They'll kick you out of the house and you'll be living on the streets peddling your ass for beer money. Just joking. I look back at the time in my life when I told my family and friends and it was some of my most cherished moments. Remember, all your "friends" will be in the next room cheering you on.
ReplyDeleteThe other "Jack".
Fantastic. I wish you the best of luck!
ReplyDeleteSomewhere in the bible it states, " you will know the truth, and the truth shall set you free". That's a powerful statement, even if you don't believe in the bible. I look back 15 years ago when I came out to my family and it was a trying time. But the freedom and happiness that followed far outweigh the darker times of discovery. Remember to give them time to process and always love yourself.
ReplyDeleteGood Luck!
ReplyDeleteYou're not dying, Jack, just changing. In some ways it seems you may be more fully alive. It's been a pleasure to follow you this far. I hope you can enjoy your freedom and this new openness to love.
ReplyDeleteDid you see much snow? I live in the more inland area that saw all that snow that normally doesn't. Unfortunately I am in NY and missed all the snow/cold.
ReplyDelete