Eeeew. That was gross. I'm embarrassed.
I hit up this guy on Grindr who said he was sucking cock. Somehow he talked me into coming to his hotel room where he was to be blindfolded on the bed, ass up, waiting to be fucked.
There was a bit of confusion, and I had to wait quite a while in the hotel lobby while he "cleaned out" but I finally got his room number and there he was.
Beefy fat guy.
I tried and tried, but I couldn't get my dick hard enough to fuck. Not a word was spoken.
Finally in frustration, I ripped off the condom and started sliding my semi hard cock up and down his butt crack. Finally it got hard enough and I just pushed it in. Fucking bare is quite stimulating so I was ready to cum in about 30 seconds, and pulled out and squirted my jizz on his back.
I was in such a hurry to flee, I put my boxers on backwards. My hands and cock still had lube all over them and I could smell ass. Yuk.
To top it all off, there were 4 other people in the elevator with me, on the ride back down to the lobby.
Fucking gross. I'm never going to fuck a big phatt azz again!
YUK!
PS. June 14, 2013.
Of course I have topped a bigger guy again since then, but not many. Nothing against bigger guys, but my smaller dick just isn't long enough to get past a set of beefy butt cheeks and penetrate deeply.
Also, I've had some real dilemma moments with fucking bare. One day, you'll hear about the terrible holiday season starting around Thanksgiving and ending shortly after New Years day last year. One particular episode; the exact same scenario happened to me, I couldn't get it hard, and I ended up bare, and cumming too quickly.
I was so upset after having done that, I was practically crying. It's NOT my policy to fuck raw and anonymously. I know that's dangerous and irresponsible. And even though I know it, I still slip up. It's like my friend at bicrossingtheline reports:
"I was hovering just outside myself, watching my actions, hearing what was going on, but from a 3rd person perspective."
It was Christmas Eve 2012,, about noon, and as I drove home, so frustrated and angry at myself, I decided that I needed to try to remember my feelings, so I could remind myself just how bad I felt. I recorded a video message to myself. You can see my red eyes, and the angst in my voice. It's hard to watch, but a good reminder to myself, not to let my libido win the war against my values.
Stay tuned.
Before my own experience, I never understood how people could let that happen. I mean, really? You know the risks. How can you jeopardize your health and your life for a few moments of bliss? Now I get it. In the moment, rational thought just doesn't happen. All that matters is that moment and the need. I'm not making excuses. But it takes a strong person to resist those urges. I understand now why even after so much education and publicity against unsafe sex, sexually transmitted diseases still occur.
ReplyDeleteSomething to note, however, is the risks in fucking bareback are not in cumming, but in the fucking itself. I might be wrong, and feel free to correct me. But if your going bareback, I don't think it makes much difference if you pull out to cum.
Jay, I think we're on the same page. Most of the nasty stuff, HIV in particular is transmitted through fluids, so it's my understanding that if even a tiny about of infected pre-ejaculate, or semen enters a guy's ass, he's exposed. It's my understanding the risk of the top getting infected are less, but still, it's a risk that the rational me isn't interested in taking.
DeleteAlso, what's good for the goose should be good for the gander. Not that I have ever bottomed, but if I did, I would insist on condoms for all but a trusted monogamous partner, and so if I'm gonna top, it makes moral sense to me to extend the same courtesy.
Speaking of trusted monogamous partner, I had one of those, but for all of 24 hours, before I freaked out, and broke it off. More on that later.
Well, don't be so hard on yourself. Look, if you fuck around a lot, there are going to be less than stellar performances on your part and the occasional 'what-was-I-thinking' hook-up. When that happens, it is important to look at your behavior and reassess. But beating yourself up about it? No. Quality over quantity. Caught up in the moment, we frequently forget that we are in control and that 'no, thanks' is always an option. As for the barebacking? Eh. It happens. If there were red flags there, go get tested for all STDs. I do, every three months, because if I am going to play in the community I know it's my responsibility to run a clean house. - Uptonking from Wonderland Burlesque
ReplyDelete