Balkan Hello.

Hey Everyone.

Greetings from Sarajevo, in former Yugoslavia!

I had a reader ask if everything was okay, and he suspected it was, and that's why the lack of posts from me.

Exactly correct.

I'm currently on Vacation, with my  75 year old mom.  We're touring this area for a couple weeks, then flying home from Venice.

The Amigo and I are still together, although he's having financial difficulty.  I'm torn as to help him with this or not, but more on that later.  I'm happy to have him around, on many levels, but especially because he is watching my house while I've been gone.  3 1/2 weeks by the time I return.

We Skype almost daily,

Well, I've got to run and get ready for our 8 hour bus trip to Split Croatia this morning.

Wish me luck!

These are just a couple of photos from my brief
stay in Zagreb, Croatia.  It's not a commentary
on my situation with the Amigo!

Weekend getaway

The Amigo is in between school semesters, and I'm in between projects (i.e, unemployed) and he asked if we could take a little trip.

Why not?  Sure.

We left Friday afternoon, and returned Sunday afternoon.

This was our first trip together, and it went very well.  We both enjoyed it. We had sex at least 4 times, and dammit, I failed to orgasm EVERY time.  Grrrr.  So frustrating.  Amigo refused to let me jerk him off to completion as well.  He said he didn't want to cum if I didn't.

I was sure that if I just kept trying, and kept building up the load that eventually my body would have to give in and burst while copulating, but no.  It didn't happen.

Finally, Monday morning, while the Amigo was at work, I jerked out a load.  Whew!  That felt nice, what a relief.  When Amigo returned in the evening, I confessed, but then I also drilled him in the "culo" and even though I didn't cum (no surprise) I gave the amigo a hand job, his dick was rock hard after being fucked, and he cummed a bucket load.

Anyway, I thought I would just give you a quick update on the Amigo situation.  He reminded me we have been dating now for 8 months.  Gee, I never expected that of me!

So, here's some photos of the trip.  Sorry about the black circles.  I'm still on the DL guys!

Dude 452. I gave an NSA BJ

For awhile now, I've been craving to give someone a BJ who appreciates it.

I guess that's why I posted on CL this morning.

 

I'm sucking dick - m4m (Murray)

Let me suck you off, nothing more. Must be discreet, clean and STD free, like me.

I'm over 40, salt n pepper hair, good shape. Prefer in shape, smaller or average dick size.

I can host.

If you're interested, send stats at least, and a pic would be nice.

It was a simple post, but it attracted several guys offering their cock to be serviced.

One guy stood out, or, rather the pic of his dick caught my attention.  It wasn't weird shaped, and it wasn't shaved, or adorned with equipment or piercings.

• craigslist reply 2652
 
• Today at 10:43 AM

To

• zgv7v-5003382449@pers.craigslist.org
• 
  

I'm a clean,discreet, 50yo...5'-9"..155lbs..7-1/2 cut...ready

Sent from my IPhone 

Good Enough.

He showed up at the condo, and I buzzed him up.  He wasn't terribly attractive, and he certainly showed all of his 50 years.  He wore a baseball cap, and the fringe that was showing had no signs of grey.

We said "Hi", and after fumbling with his belt, he pulled down his camouflage cargo shorts to his ankles.  He looked uncertain as how to proceed so I pulled down his black briefs and took in the sight for a moment. His limp cock was pretty much like the picture.  A lot like mine, but with an extra inch spiced in.

I took him in my mouth and just let nature take it's course.  He gasped his pleasure and went to sit. 

Once seated, I pushed his pants and underwear down as far as possible, and it hobbled him at the ankles.

It took a couple of minutes but his cock eventually hardened in my mouth.  I like that.  I like a soft dick at first, so I can have the pleasure of the whole member in my mouth.  No discomfort.  As it hardened, it also lengthened.  I'm guessing that he was pretty correct about being 7 1/2 inches.  Although it got harder and longer it didn't really swell in girth, and it still fit nicely between my back molars, enabling me to take the majority of the length into my mouth and throat.

A few times I deep-throated him, but never enough to trigger a gag reflex, but still pushing my limit.

10 minutes or so later, it started to get really hard, and "Steve" started to make some noise.  His ping-pong ball sized testicles pulled up tight against his trim body, as I gently tickled them in the final moments of his impending orgasms, and with a final gasp and shudder I could feel the initial squirt of cum in the back of my mouth.

I pulled back just enough to allow me to taste, then swallow the small oyster.  A couple smaller squirts followed and then I gently sucked while working my tongue on his cock head, delicately coaxing the rest of the contractions, trying to prolong the almost unbearable tickle feeling of orgasm. 

I love it when a guy does this to me.

I had him convulsing on the couch for 30 seconds or so, before I let him go, and swallowed the rest of his cum.  I thew him the terry cloth towel, to clean up, though truth be told, there wasn't any thing left.  I left him almost as clean as I had found him.

When it was over, he had trouble standing on now wobbly legs, but we shook hands and he said thanks and still panting, made his way to the door.

It was perfect and my craving is satisfied. 

For now.

Dude 450. Well, that didn't last long.

Horny and unemployed are not a good combination if I'm going to endevor to be faithful to the Amigo.

I started looking at porn like every free morning, and reading my blogs of course.

I was gonna jack off, but he a bj always beats jacking off, in the feels-good department anyway.  So, I logged onto Adam4Adam, and there was a guy, in a nearby hotel.

Online 

USA - Utah - Salt Lake City
1 miles
Contact

Profile

Need Expert Oral Relief?

50, 5'9", 165lb, 33w. Athletic, Brown, Smooth, White. Looking for: Friendship, 1-on-1 Sex.

GL and friendly here, my source of entertainment is providing you with memorable head. I also enjoy spontaneous fun. Looking to hook up with someone for some companionship and casual safe sex, primarily a memorable blowjob and nipple play. I like approachable and outgoing guys, but shy has its charm, too...black, latino, mixed -- all are welcomed. 

Scene Casual, Out Yes, Smoke No, Drink No, Drugs No, Zodiac Pisces.

7", Cut, Oral, Safe Sex Only, HIV Negative. Prefer meeting at: My Place.

Long story short, he gave me a nice bj, and I he let me cum in his mouth.  I think he even swallowed.

He was older than 50, I'm pretty sure.  I'm 52 and he was/is older than me.  I can ususally tell if someone is older than me.  He had no grey hair, and he was pretty trim.  He left his ID badge on the table so I could tell what industry he was in.

It didn't surprise me.
Nuclear Arms Sales.
Kidding.

Oh well.  Another day, another BJ.

Another pic he unlocked for me.
It must be from 20 years ago.

No New Hookups.

Looks like the Amigo and I are still together.

I'm not sure if the break up attempts are his way of moving me towards commitment, or him just acting out his frustration.  Either way, things seemed to have changed little.

Two weeks ago, he said he was going to see other people, and I'm pretty sure he said he'd already been chatting with guys on Adam4Adam.  He said he was going to take all his clothes back home;  He'd amassed a pretty good collection in the spare closet and dresser, and then, the following morning, he didn't take them.

He did go on a spring break trip with his classmates, on a school organized tour of Southern California and Las Vegas, but the entire time, he messaged me and acted as if he'd never said anything to me about breaking up.

Then, upon his return, he was like sweet sticky syrup, and couldn't get enough of me.  Like an addict who had given up, and just indulge in their addiction, for better or worse.

He came to my house, and spent the weekend, without stopping at home, bringing his suitcase with him.  We had a nice normal cuddly weekend, and then I took him to the train Monday morning and we both did our thing during the week.  He even left his suitcase with even more clothes at my house.

Then, this past weekend, he came up Friday night, and again we had a very nice weekend, except on Saturday, he went back to the school/then home to finish up a project.  This time he took his suitcase with him........and ALL his clothes.  I didn't realize it until later in the day.

I never asked him about it.

He returned Saturday night and all seemed well.

I don't know what's going on, and really, I don't care.  I am enjoying our time together, and that's what counts for now.  Hopefully, he's doing the same.

Since his return, I've not hooked up.  I'm not really tempted either, except when I look at porn and jerk off and think how much nicer it would be if someone were blowing me, instead.  I do check out Craigslist, but I haven't reached out for sex.  Yet.

My elusive orgasm still plagues our sex life.

Our boudoir romps are very nice, and seem to satisfy him completely.  After drilling him thoroughly, I can usually get him off with a hand job, in just a few minutes.  He doesn't much seem interested in getting a BJ, and that's fine with me.  I enjoy pleasuring the Amigo.

So, that's it here in Jack-land.  I wanted the boyfriend experience, and now that's I've tried it, I think I like it.

Wish me luck.

Growing. Learning. Dude 449.

I used to draw the line with my hookups.

I refused to hookup with a gay dude, if he was "partnered".

I figured that messing around with a married dude (married to a woman) at least I was providing something that the wife couldn't physically provide; my penis.  My masculinity.  My (faulty) reasoning was, if you're already with a guy, then why seek out another?

That was all before I had entered into a relationship of my own.

I guess I'll climb down from my high horse now, and eat my serving of crow.

I now know how it can be.  To want my cake and eat it too. (that's a weird saying.)

So, all week long I've been getting head, and giving it as well.
On Sunday, it was the 19 year old twink.
On Monday, I had a repeat encounter with the 40 year old hot trophy cock-sucker.
On Tuesday, it was a repeat with my businessman buddy from Tucson in his hotel.
On Wednesday, it was the older guy I sucked off in my living room.
On Thursday, it was another random dude from Grindr
And today.....I'm going to give it a rest.

The Amigo has been relentlessly texting me from his Spring Break trip.  Finally yesterday, I sent him a long e-mail and mentioned that he broke up with me the previous weekend, but was acting like it never happened.

He said he DIDN'T break up with me.  He was confused.  He says I'm "his guy".   I know what it really is;  He want's commitment, and I'm not ready to commit.  He pushed me and I didn't push back.

He could leave me and look for someone else, but dang, we enjoy each other.  We like each other, we may even love each other.  It's more comfortable to just keep doing our thing, then when the shit hits the fan and he has to leave the country, we'll figure it out.  Maybe.

So, the Amigo is on his way back to Utah.  He gets in late but want's to spend the weekend with me before going back to his school routine next week.  And that sounds pretty good to me.  I guess I can just go with the flow for now.

And now, to fulfill  my promise to myself, I'll disclose the details of yesterday's hook up.

Not much profile info

A guy hit me on Grindr.  Most of the details were missing from his profile, but he had a handsome face.  I asked the usual "Are you STD free?  HIV neg?  A Smoker" and he responded to my satisfaction, then quizzed me on my status of those same issues.  Something I appreciate.  He also said my cock looked "yummy."

Although we talked about him giving ME a BJ, and also letting ME cum in HIS mouth, once he got here, and in the heat of battle, he asked if I wouldn't mind sucking him off a little too.

Meh, what the hell.  Why not.

For a shorter somewhat tubby guy, he sure had a big dick!  He wanted me to deep throat it, but forget it.  Not the biggest cock I've ever encountered or anything but a solid 7" and thick, and it just wouldn't go in all the way.  I wasn't really into it enough to force it anyway.

He had a handsome face

And then, he wanted face fucking.  This means that I actually have to put some effort into it.  The nerve of the guy!  I complied and soon I was near cumming.

He wanted one more turn of me sucking him, and I again complied, then he blew me to completion....sort of.  I announced my impending ejaculation, and he pulled off and milked me by hand and I watched myself squirt into the terry cloth towel!

The liar.

Then, he wanted to suck my super sensitive leaky dick while he jacked himself off.  Well, I'll not deny anyone their orgasm, so again I capitulated, and soon he added his own load to the towel.

And that was that.  He bailed and I continued with my chores.

Thanks for the relationship advice everyone, with your comments, and your private e-mails.  It's always welcome.  You've been kind with me.  I'm afraid I've been a bit of an ass lately.

I'll keep you posted if anything develops, but I think the Amigo will return and it will be back to normal again.  Boring, but nice normal.

Dude 449. What do I have to do to suck some dick?

An Amigo update.

The Amigo is on Spring break.  Although he is 44, he's a University student, and still has a youthful student quality about him.  He's currently in Southern California with several of his younger classmates on an organized trip.  He texted me half a dozen times yesterday, with photos of himself enjoying Disneyland.

My guess is that he doesn't want to break up.  He's acting like it never happened.  I guess when he gets back, we will have to chat about it.

In the meantime, I've fallen back on old habits.

It's been forever since I sucked dick.  Well, I mean sucked the dick of someone who appreciates it.  I've been watching porn and really wanted to taste another man's cum.

I've posted on Craigslist several times, but nothing ever pans out.  Perhaps I'm too picky.  I'm not interested in overweight guys, smokers, or shaved dicks.  I think that weeds out the majority of the opportunities.

Finally, last night, some guy came over.

This is the the dik pic he sent with his reply.

His response to my CL post was to the point:

I'm  5' 11" 165 blonde/blue 7.5" cut 45.  Getting my cock sucked on sounds good to me.

I don't think he was 45, but a decade older.  What ever.  His cock looked just like his photo.  More trimmed that I would have liked, but what ever.

He sat on the couch, and I sucked him off.  He took awhile, just like I do.  His cock never got completely hard despite a metal cock ring around junk.  I guess his semi hard cock had advantages and disadvantages.  It was much easier to suck, and I didn't have to worry about teeth scraping too much.  I was able to get it all in my mouth most of the time.  

It fell good in my mouth.  Something I had been craving, and this satisfied me, but still a younger harder cock is what I was fantasizing about.

The guy took charge of my head, and his dick finally stiffened as he approached his orgasm.  He convulsed intensely, as the waves of pleasure coursed through him yet, there was no ejaculation.  Nothing.  No cum at all.   It was very weird.

Afterwards, he said he hadn't discussed cumming in my mouth, so he used a "Chinese" technique of stopping the ejaculation during his orgasm.  He was kind of hunched over and looked to be in pain.  I then remembered his hand down between his legs while I was blowing him.  He must have been pressing on, and cutting off the flow of cum, or stopping the muscles from pumping it out.

Chinese technique?  Metal cock ring?  It's all too much for me.

He asked for my real e-mail address, (Craigslist uses an anonymous forwarding system) but I told him this was just a one time thing.  He seemed slightly disappointed and continued his departure, and that was that.

This morning I'm seeing an old regular.  He's a guy that comes into town on Business every couple of months.  We have a routine.  He spends 15 minutes giving me a great bj.  I cum in his mouth, he spits in a hotel towel, then, when I recover, I suck him off, and it doesn't take long, as he's pretty worked up, and horny, with my cum on his breath.  I too, spit in the towel.  I'm not horny when I blow him, having just ejaculated, but I know when paybacks are required.

Perhaps today, I will blow him first.

I also have to get my feeling for Amigo sorted out.

Dude 448. Sunday morning head from a teenager

It's Sunday morning.  Early.

The kid left my house just minutes ago.  I'm going to write about it now.  I'm not sure when or if I'll post it.

First of all, the Amigo broke up with me on Friday night.

Sort of.

A word of advice;  if you're going to break it off with someone, don't tell them about it, then spend the night spooning and cuddling, then asking for sex the next morning.  Just break it off then split.

The Amigo announced that he was looking around for someone that wanted to get married.  This way he could stay in the country, or at least come and go freely, without the fear of not being able to return.

I totally understand his point.  I love the guy and want him to be happy and successful, so who am I to stand in his way?  I don't want to get married.  At least that's what I think I want, or don't wan't.  Amigo is my first real boyfriend of any length.  I think marrying the first guy that I have a relationship with would always leave me wondering.  I owe it to myself to test the waters a little more.  Hell, I'm not even out of the closet, although I have cracked the door open.

We had a normal night last Friday, although I had difficulty getting to sleep, and Amigo woke early.  He's got other troubles on his mind as well.

I don't know if this breakup will last.  Friday night he said he was going to take all of his clothes and things with him on Saturday morning.  When it came time to go, he didn't take anything.  I asked, and he said he was confused, and was going to leave his things here.  I don't think he has the courage to break it off by himself.  I think it's going to take some effort on my part.  Shit.  I didn't want to be the bad guy, but I may have to.  I actually want to try being separated for awhile.  I miss the guilt free hooking up.

Speaking of hooking up, I didn't waste any time.  I kept Grindr on all day yesterday, as soon as Amigo left.  I also checked in on Craigslist.  Nothing came of it, but this morning at 5:42AM, a young kid hit me up on Grindr.

He said he liked to suck dick and guess what?  I like my dick sucked.

After a little picture trading, he arrived at my house at 6:22 AM, every bit as cute and clean as his picture.  He had on fairly tight black jeans and a clean white T-shirt.  I watched from the front window, as he messaged me that he was here.  I messaged back to meet me at the side door and he playfully lept from the retaining wall to the driveway, and skipped to the back door.  Ah... youth.

He was handsome and polite, and I put him on task straight away, sucking my dick and bringing it to full mast.   His technique was odd, holding this breath while he bobbed up and down and tried to deep throat me, then gasping for breath, catching his breath, then going at it again.  I told him to relax and slow down, and that seemed to work better for me.  In no time, I felt as though I was going to cum.

I pulled off his t-shirt revealing his smooth brown skin, and his fit, if not exactly muscled twink upper body.  I let him blow me some more before whispering for him to "stand up."  I fumbled with his belt, then gave up and told him to open his pants.  He complied of course, and I pulled down his pants and underwear revealing a nice brown 7" uncut cock, semi hard, with a patch of medium length black pubes above.

I sucked his for a bit, not sure of how far back to pull his foreskin.  He was delicious, and I sucked for several minutes, but I feared he might cum, so I quit and pushed him back down on my cock.

He sucked me for a few minutes and I told him I was close.  He continued to suck while stroking his own dick, but I stopped him, saying "don't cum yet.  I want to suck you some more."

And that's what I did.

When I put him back on my dick, I told him not to cum until after me. After I was done squirting in him mouth he should jack off and cum.

He did as he was told, and he got me off, sadly using his hand.  He surprised me by then going down on me and eating my cum, and milking me through my orgasm orally.

Then he leaned back and jacked his own beautiful dick, while I was panting and recovering.  I thought he would blow any second, but it took another 4 or or 5 minutes.  He moaned his approval as I nuzzled his neck, pulled his nappy hair, and dug my nails into his back.  That's when he blew, right into the terry cloth towel I had waiting atop his puddle of pants and underwear around his ankles.

We awkwardly dressed and told each other it was hot.  And it was.

He skipped out the door, down my driveway and then down the street.  I'm not sure if he really parked his car a block away, or he was on foot.  Doesn't really matter.  Cute kid.  Nice encounter.  I love NSA gay sex!

Frustration, relief, Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hookup

I don't want to write part of this post.  The hookup part.  Writing this blog has been very helpful and therapeutic for me, going though this journey, so I feel like if I'm going to be honest with myself, then I need to put my experiences here, even if I'm not proud of them any more, like I used to be.

Life with the Amigo is good.  I'm really enjoying the experience.  He asked me the other day, as were were cuddling in preparation for an afternoon nap "what are your plans for me?"

It was an honest question that deserved an honest answer, so I did my best.  What I left unsaid was that I wasn't about get married, just so he can stay in the country after he finishes school.  I'm not sure what the future holds for us.  I know Amigo loves me.  He tells me all the time, even if I've only mustered the courage to verbalize it to him a couple of time.  I'm afraid of commitment.  Of course I am.  I've been single and independent my whole life.  And I've been happy.

I went without masturbating the entire week, so that I could make every effort to orgasm with the Amigo this weekend.  I knew he would be visiting Thursday night, and by Thursday morning, I was as horny as a two peckered billy goat.  I maintained vigilance though.  I did not jack off.  By the time evening came, and I picked Amigo up at the train station, work had sanded off most of the horniness, and I felt plain old tired.

Still, when we got home, we did the deed.  I had sufficient labido to fuck the Amigo first on his back (his new favorite position) for a good 10 minutes, then on his stomach (my favorite position) for another 10 or 12.  Without the help of a boner pill, I stayed good and hard for the entire 20-25 minutes until Amigo was plain old worn out.

Amigo was a sport though, and he sucked me off afterwards.  It took exactly 13 minutes, but he did it, and damn, it was good.

I find it disappointing and frustrating that we can't share an orgasm together.  I prefer receiving a BJ.  He doesn't necessarily like giving me one, (not for that long anyway) but he does it to please me.  I like to suck HIS dick, but it doesn't do much for him.  He barely maintains an erection.  I wish he enjoyed it more.  As much as I am unable to cum while fucking him on his stomach, I do enjoy it.  It's going to be impossible to cum while fucking him on his back, legs on my shoulders, but he sure gets a thrill from it.

Is this how it's going to be?  I satisfy him by fucking him on his back, then I shower, wash my dick, and he blows me so I can cum?    Grrrr.  I wish we could just fuck and both end up in a messy cummy orgasmic bliss fest, at the same time.

I also wish kids didn't go hungry, there was no poverty, and world peace was more achievable than whirled peas.

I'm not sure why I felt the need to hook up today.  Amigo is at school, and I looked a porn and thought how nice it would be to give someone a BJ, and let them cum in my mouth.  Why then did I let a dude on Grinder invite me over to suck MY cock?

And why did a fairly bad BJ, which was loaded with teeth, get me to cum in 5 minutes, while standing?  Was it the fact that the guy was super hot, handsome, trim, fit, and had a nice big cock?

Maybe.

More likely, it's that the anon hook up still has some thrilling mystical power over me.

Again, just knowing what the problem is, doesn't fix it.

Anyway, that's my story of Dude #446.  A trophy cock sucker for sure, but somehow not a trophy for me at this stage.

Bless me Daddy, for I have sinned.

I know the amigo would not approve, but I hooked up again.  Dude #446.

The Amigo and I have never had the frank discussion about monogamy.  I'm pretty sure he would be "all in" for any type of commitment I would offer.  I doubt he's hooked up with anyone else since we've been dating, but I don't want to know.

Don't want to ask.

Don't want to have to explain myself.

Don't want hurt his feelings.

The truth is, the closer I feel to the Amigo emotionally, the less "orgasmic" the sex it for me.  I simply fail to achieve orgasm with the amigo, even though his ass feels amazing and I love fucking him.  I also love his blow jobs.  He's really become very good.

I know the reason is because my brain has become hardwired (maybe softwired) that the anonymous hook up is exciting.  Stimulating.  The only emotional attachment sex I ever had in my whole 52+ years of existence, was with my first girlfriend at age 17.  Now that I think about it, I had trouble achieving orgasm with her as well.  Even at age 17.

But just knowing what the problem is, doesn't fix it.

The amigo suggested that I don't masturbate at all.  That I quit looking at porn completely.  Actually, I think that's a reasonable suggestion,  A very possible solution.

But, I only see the Amigo on weekends.  This means I would cut down my own orgasms significantly.

And golly.  I like my orgasms!  I like to cum.  I love it in fact.

And so, I continue to read others' blogs in the morning.  I look at a little porn, and jerk off a few times a week.  Occasionally I seek the warm willing mouth of a stranger I find on Craigslist or Grindr, and even less frequently an old regular who resurfaces to suck me off.

The Amigo and I have been dating over 6 months now (wow, how time flies!)  In that time, if my spreadsheet is accurate, I've had 5 hookups.  A dramatic decrease for me.

Yesterday, I dropped the Amigo off at the train in the very early morning.  He went to work then school.  He and I spent a rare mid-week night together, and then I didn't have to report for work until late in the afternoon. I looked around on Craigslist and finally ended up with a 46-year-old bear between my legs while I watched twink porn on the TV in my living room.  It only took about 10 minutes and I was unloading my cum into the bear's mouth.  I wasn't attracted to him, but that didn't stop me.  A mouth is a mouth.  The bear was appreciative and expressed a desire to do it again the next time he was in town.

I wish I could have given the Amigo my load.  He would love to make me cum.  I would love to give that to him.  I seems the laws of cause and effect just don't apply to us right now.

Another Saturday Night, and I ain't got nobody.......

Ah, well, not entirely true.

Amigo was here, but he's gone now.  He had a school commitment, so could not spend the night.

I'm on a new work project, and hit the ground running as soon as I landed the gig, two weeks ago,  working 12+ hours a day.  This will go on the entire month of March, and the Amigo and I will not really be able to be together much.

I picked him up at 10PM last night, we got some tacos at the local taco stand, then came home and went to bed.   He pestered me for sex, and since I hadn't jacked off in a week, my cock reacted positively, even though I was exhausted.

Okay, maybe "pestered" is a little harsh.  I told him I was tired, but he insisted fondling me in the bed anyway.  Honestly, I was a little surprised at how hard I got, despite two beers and my exhausted state.  Well, I preformed like a champ, and totally satisfied Amigo.  However, I was unable to climax.  Grrrr.  So frustrating.   And, then during the night I had my first "almost wet" dream in decades.  I say, almost wet, because in the dream, some woman gave me a hand job and I sprayed like a geyser (not geezer) but in reality, I didn't cum in my sleep.

The next morning I took another stab (pun intended) at it, but Amigo was sore from the night before.  I asked him for oral (my favorite) and  I was SOOOO relieved when he sucked me off and I was able to unload!

I've become quite smitten with Amigo.

Golly.  I sure didn't see this coming.

I think this is an unlikely relationship.  So many challenges.

Language.
Distance.
Citizenship.

When we were first dating, These problems seemed more like allies.  Reasons for cutting free and bailing if things went south.  Well, unfortunately for me, I'm now more emotionally attached to the guy than ever, so when the shit hits the inevitable fan, I anticipate pain and sorrow and hurt, and for the first time, in a long time, it's going to be MY pain.  MY sorrow and MY hurt.

God, I'm a selfish prick sometimes.

Well, enough lamenting about what the future might hold.

For now, I'm enjoying the moment.  I love sleeping together.  Cuddling.  Even the frustrating sex.

On another note:

Blogger send out an e-mail notifying us that most likely blogs like mine would be made private.  I was a little bummed, but didn't want to overreact.  In fact, the timing was perfect.

I think I've ended my "gay slut' phase (or at least suspended it, ) and so, the most interesting part of my blog, is all in the past anyway.

While I'm really enjoying where my life if going these days, cuddling in bed with the Amigo doesn't' make for interesting reading.  My very personally satisfying situation just isn't blog worthy.

Oh, and by the way, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, for all of the kind comments and personal e-mails the last few months.  You know who you are.  Unfortunately, there's a few poignant responses from anonymous, so I couldn't reply back in person, but nonetheless, a note from a reader helps me feel less alone in this journey.

Well, this post was fueled by beer, and a brief moment of free time.  I hope I didn't ramble too much.

Thanks.  Jack.

Dude 445, what the fuck is wrong with me?

Okay. Something is wrong with me.   I'm not so proud that I can't admit it.

This post has two components to it. The hook up, which was actually mediocre, and the other component, which is what the fuck is wrong with me?

I am still having trouble achieving orgasm with the amigo.  The weird thing is, it's about the best sex I have ever had!

Amigo's blowjobs are a definite 10.  He doesn't love sucking me off, but he knows that I love it and he gives it his all.  And it's pretty damn good, up there with the top 10%.  If the stimulation is so great? Why do I not always orgasm?

I do however come more often with his blowjobs, then I do with backdoor penetration.
The blowjob success ratio is about 65%, however, when I top the amigo, I'm operating at about a 10% success rate, if that.

Again, I do not know why.  He has totally relaxed, and screwing him in the ass feels better than just about anything in the world.  He loves it too, and doesn't hesitate to show it.

Why then, does my dick go limp usually?  And to make matters worse, if I take my little blue pill, I stay plenty hard enough, and I get to screw for a long, long time, until I'm exhausted.  The poor Amigo loves it.........for a while.  But even he must get tired of it.

Lately, my hands have always been cold.  The amigo is a furnace, so my favorite thing to do is put my cold hands around his neck, Or other body parts.

He absolutely hates it, and always recoils, asking me why I am so mean to him.  Of course I find this absolutely hilarious and it just encourages me more.  It's like tickling his feet, it drives him absolutely berserk. And now, I can't walk by his socked foot without being instantly attracted to it and wanting to tickle it!  Usually I resist, but I know he is watching me waiting for the attack.

Oh yes, back to the cold hands. I was wondering if my constantly cold hands, and erectile dysfunction, where a symptom of poor circulation.  Also, I must say I have a little less libido.

Now last fall, I was going to see the urologist. This was a result of drippy dick syndrome, and no one could figure out why.  I never did find out.  I think it was an urinary tract infection. I think I got it from fucking some kid in the ass, without a condom.

The urologist was quite concerned about my low testosterone from my blood test results, although I had absolutely no other symptoms, except a slightly raised PSA level.  I had plenty of energy, a high libido, and was not depressed.  I was downright perky for a 52-year-old basically grumpy guy.

My testosterone levels were beginning to bounce back over a couple of months period, and the PSA count dropped and I am supposed to go in for another check up this spring, or summer.

Also, I have noticed that my urine stream isn't very strong.

So, in the back of my mind, I am wondering if I have an enlarged prostate, or even prostate cancer.

Well, it's Friday morning, and I haven't ejaculated since Monday, I think.

I will usually jack off in the mornings, if I have time, but I have sort of held off, thinking the Amigo was going to show up for a sleep over this week.  He hasn't.

So I was feeling a little frisky this morning, and instead of jacking off, I put an ad on Craigslist.

Pretty quickly I got a response from an older married gentleman in a downtown hotel, who offered to suck me off.

I wasn't feeling that horny, and was a little worried about my performance.  I drove to the hotel.

The guy was rushed to check out and said he didn't have much time.  I said I would do my best, but I was not a quick cummer.  He seemed worried.  I was a little worried too.

The Gentleman's long cock.

I took off my shoes, Levi's and boxers, and sat back on the bed, while this gentleman went to work on my soft dick.  At first the blowjob was fairly good with lots of tongue, although it lacked suction.  By now, his pants were around his ankles, and he was jacking his long skinny cock, as he leaned over me and sucked my dick.

I started to inflate, and come to life, and he commented on how nice my dick looked, and asked me to grab his.  I did as he requested and stroked his long skinny cock for a bit and it stiffened.

The gentleman reminded me of this guy

He sucked me for a minute more, and then pulled off, and I told him I thought he was getting me close.

It was true. Even though I had only been in his mouth only a couple of minutes, I could feel my orgasm rising.

He told me that was good, and he wanted to use my cum as lube to jack himself off.

Well he went back to work, and it wasn't the best blowjob like I said, but damn, if I didn't start blasting off only a minute later!

or maybe this guy.

He took most of my wad in his mouth, then stood up, and I could see his cock starting to shoot as well.  He spit my gob into his hand and then stroked himself and ride out his orgasm.

In the meantime, I got up went to the bathroom and got a washcloth and wiped myself off.  I also grabbed a hand towel and threw it to him, as he had spermed all over the hotel sheets.  How rude!

So, here I was, with a total stranger, who wasn't ugly, but not particularly attractive, certainly not as attractive as my amigo!

Next, his blowjob lacked skill.  On a scale of 1 to 10 it was about a three, while the amigo comes in at a very solid 10!

So, obviously my problem is not physical.  I am quite capable of getting hard and coming quick if I need to.

I guess, the first thing is I need to find out what my problem is.  But that is just the start, isn't it?  Simply knowing what the problem is, is not a solution in and of itself.

The amigo thinks it is pornography. I guess it could be. They say porn rewires the brain.

Oddly enough, it's been a topic on our local news.  There's a group running around the public schools teaching the evils of pornography addiction.

As a bit of history, I have always had problems achieving orgasm during coitus.  This happened with my first girlfriend at age 17, and with the other girls I was with in my early 20s.  I always just thought it was because I was more attracted to guys, and the female parts were not arousing enough.

Then, when I fucked my first guy, I didn't come.  Not the second or third either.  I think it was maybe my 6th.  At that time, I thought it must be the condom.  Now that I get to fuck bare, and it feels so great, I know it's something else.

Anyway, if any of you have been through a similar situation, I would love to hear about it.  I looked for some help on the Internet, but it is such a broad problem. I am not sure that any of the specific advice applied to me.

As always, thanks for reading!

Valentine's day

Because of some conflicting commitments tomorrow, on the REAL Valentine's day, Amigo and I celebrated last night by going out to dinner.  We had a great time.  We went to one of those Brazilian Steak houses.  I guess that's what they are called.  They don't really serve steaks though.  It's really a Brazilian MEAT house.  It's all you can eat, carnivore style.  You have a little token on your table, and when it's right-side-up with the green end showing, The "Gouchos come to your table with these swords, stacked with grilled meat, and carve off slices right on to your plate!  They keep coming every few minutes until you are too stuffed to eat any more, and you turn your token over, to red-side-up, and they stop the assault.

After we got home, I gave him a card and and gift.  The card was a funny one.  Well, I thought it was funny.  The gift was 4 pair of sexy underwear.  He likes those, and I don't mind that he wears them, but they're not for me.  I'm a plain old boxer's man.

Of course the night ended with a different sort of meat-fest, and a sleep over.

I am growing more fond of Amigo as the weeks pass.  It's crazy how much I've changed in the 5 months we have been "dating."

I still have no idea what the future holds.  He doesn't bring up his financial dilemmas anymore.  I'm not sure if he's figured out a solution, or is just hiding his head in the sand until the shit hits the fan.

For now anyway, things are nice. Mellow.  Comfortable.

Looking back, this is the longest "relationship" I've had since I was a senior in high school, with my first girlfriend.  I really lack practice at being a boyfriend.  I know I could certainly be more verbal with my affection, but I am cautious about the "L" word around the Amigo.  I'm afraid of commitment.

We even chatted a bit about that last night, and he mentioned that even though I don't "say" it, my actions demonstrate my affection.

And, for now, I feel pretty good about that.

Dude 444 Another "feather" in my cap.

I still turn on Grindr from time to time, and this morning was one of those times.  I should have gone to the gym (it is Wednesday, after all) but when a young man says he woke up and was looking to suck some dick, I felt a little charitable.  I'm practically a damn saint!

As you can see from the Grindr screen captures, it's wasn't that difficult.  The kid was nice enough.  He lived in a crappy apartment complex, but his room was neat and tidy, even if the wall were a bit grungy.  I sat on the edge of the bed, while he alternated between so-so blow job and so-so hand job.

I had neglected to make sure he would let me cum in his mouth beforehand, and by the overabundance of hand in this encounter, I was pretty sure that cumming in his mouth wasn't in the cards, still I was hopeful.

As I crested, I let him know I was about to blow, and sure enough, he pulled off and milked me by hand.  It wasn't a particularly spectacular sight either.  Just a couple of dribbles.  I asked for a paper towel to clean up with afterwards, and he offered me a nearby bath towel, so I accepted.

I guess I should have just jacked off at home, and saved myself the guilt, but, what's done is done.

More to come later this week.

6 years ago today

It was 6 years ago today.

6 years ago that I had my first Craig's List encounter with another guy, that started me down this crazy path.  After decades of near celibacy, I got a blow job, sucked a dick and had my ass eaten, and tasted the addictive drug know as the "anonymous hook-up."

Or, so I thought.  I look back to the beginning of this blog, and realized that the date was a little off.  Then I remembered that I started this blog two years after my first encounter.  I had written about it to a friend, and in my diary of sorts, but not made it public until two years later, in 2011.

So, I went back through my old e-mails.  Sure enough, there was documentation of the encounter, but apparently it happened on January 29, 2009, not February 1, 2009 so I'm still off.

As my memory fails, I'm happier than ever to have this blog.  I've had some crazy times indeed!

 Now, things have settled down.

Amigo is still by my side.

I'm not sure what he's worked out as far as his financial or immigration problems.  We talked about it a little yesterday, but he then changed the subject.  I think, like me, he's avoiding the problem and enjoying the moment where we can be together.

And it appears we are still together.

It's hard for my icy cold heart to admit, but I grow fonder of Amigo, each weekend we spend together.  Last weekend for example, the new bigger bed arrived.  No longer are two grown men forced to sleep together on a full size mattress, but have the luxury of a nice queen size.  It really doesn't change anything for me though.  I'm still pushed up to the cliff edge of the bed as Amigo in his unconscious sleepy state, inches closer and closer, cuddle cuddle cuddle, until I'm almost off the edge.  I like it.

And, almost every night we are together, watching a DVD or Netflix on the couch, and Amigo absolutely cannot stay awake.  He always falls asleep on my shoulder or on my chest.  The two exceptions;  Watching "Sex Tape" on DVD, and watching a penguin documentary on PBS.   I have no idea what the correlation is.

So, in 6 years I went from closeted porn watching confused middle aged single guy, to still confused still middle aged, but out to the parents and sister boyfriend guy.  I still have trouble saying the word "gay" but I guess, if the shoe fits.........

The Amigo and I at Sundance in Park City

Chico and the Man

Things are pretty steady for me and Amigo at the moment.   We are back in the routine of him going to school during the week, then taking the train here on Friday night, and spending the weekend, until I drop him off, back at the train station early Monday morning.

Of course, this week it will be Tuesday morning because of the MLK day holiday.

It's grown surprisingly comfortable.

I never really thought of myself as a particularly cuddly individual.  It's not like I'm made of stone or anything, but all the touch feely stuff was never high on my priority list.

It's really high on Amigo's priority list.  He could survive on kisses, hugs and caresses alone.  He wouldn't need food or drink.

That being said, I've become pretty darn comfortable with the cuddling.  I love, love, love watching a TV/Netflix movie with Amigo, while cuddling up on the couch.  Amigo likes it too, but it's a powerful anesthetic, and he falls asleep in my arms every time.  With out fail.  He simply cannot stay awake if I'm on that couch with him.

We also like naps.  Sometimes we spoon, and sometimes he curls up into my chest, even though he's the slightly bigger guy physically.

Saturday, he was upstairs doing his homework, and I had 30 minutes of free time, so I lay down on the couch for a snooze.  When Amigo found out, he was pissed that I took my siesta without telling him.  As if I had deprived him of a meal.

Amigo also like to get drilled.  Nailed.  Laid.  He likes it a lot.  We're both getting better at it, although my inability to orgasm while topping is still quite baffling.  The wonderful feeling of fucking him in his ass should bring me to an immediate climax!  Honestly, I don't think I could make it feel any more stimulating and good, but somehow I fail to climax, more often than not.

One thing that worked the other day; after we screwed for about 10 minutes, I started going soft.  I pulled out, and we cuddled for a minute and it was decided I would go and wash my dick in the bathroom and return for a nice BJ.

My body responded favorably to the oral, and soon I was near the plateau.  Instead of blowing my wad in his mouth, I pulled out and mounted Amigo, and rode off into the sunset, guns a blazing!  That time it worked out well and everyone was happy.  I think we're going to try that method some more.

Have I mentioned that Amigo always want's to film us, with his iPhone?   He's taken a couple videos so far.  I know it's a little risky, but both of our faces are clearly visible, so I doubt he'll want to show it around.

It sure has given me a new perspective on myself.  Of course I've used my own iPhone to film my clandestine encounters with hook ups in the past, but I take what I can get, the camera in never in the optimum place, and the lighting is poor.

Not this time.  I get to see myself in fully lighted, high-definition glory.  And, I must say, I am surprised at what I see.  I had a different self image for sure.   It's hard to explain.  I look much thicker and solid that I thought.  Instead of a wiry monkey climbing around in the bed, I'm a fairly masculine looking almost beefy guy, dominating my partner.  Me?  Beefy?  It's something I hadn't ever expected of myself.

I'm not that happy with my small gut, nor my poor posture, but at age 52, I'm not complaining.  At the risk of sounding conceited, I also have to compliment my ass!

Yesterday morning, we set up both his phone, and mine, and hit record at the same time.  Unfortunately, neither of us gave Oscar performances, but it was fun to try and cut these two angles together.  Amigo's phone captured the "wide shot" from profile, while my phone got the "close up" from the foot of the bed, mostly featuring my ass, drilling poor Amigo.

And don't ask to see this one.  It's going to remain private.

An update on our situation;  well it's still pretty uncertain.  It seems Amigo's financial situation at his school, may ultimately be insurmountable.  I know this is not my problem and was not caused by any decisions that I made, but I still feel bad for the guy.

I think Amigo has realized that I will not be his sugar daddy, nor will I be his knight in shining armor that comes to his rescue.  Still, I think he would rather face these challenges with me, than look for another knight to save him.  He's also mentioned that turning back to the Mormon church isn't really an option he's willing to consider.

Amigo satisfies me sexually while he's around.  He more that satisfies me romantically, and I have no interest in seeking romantic dates with anyone else.  I still have a tendency to turn on grinder and consider hooking up with others during the week, but I'm trying to be good.  I haven't made any commitment to him to be faithful, although I know he'd be crushed to find out that hooked up with anyone else.  Also, I really, really don't want to bring anything nasty home, and infect Amigo.

So, it's one week at a time for us.

I'll try to keep you posted.  It's good therapy for me.

Asian Fusian

Last week while visiting Mom in Sunny Southern California, I had the opportunity to meet a fellow blogger.

This is the first time I have been able to actually meet another blogger, or, for that matter, a reader of my blog!

I had such a good time.

He was working, so the only time we could meet was lunch time, or after work.  Because I didn't want to get stuck in LA traffic, and other things, I chose lunch time.  My blogger buddy bought lunch and we munched Asian Fusion food from a nearby food truck.

I don't think I've ever had Asian Fusion before, but mine consisted of a burrito, with grilled meat along with a wad of french fries inside.  While the meat was tasty, the fries were merely filling.  Too filling, plus, I was so busy flapping my gums telling my story that I barely had time to eat.

This meeting was right in the middle of the latest Amigo Drama, so the Blogger listened patiently, and gave me some advice when asked.  Blogger also filled me in on personal details of his life that I was very, very curious about.  It was so much fun.  

I guess I need to get some actual gay people in my social life that I can talk to sometimes.

I had a mental picture in my mind, about Blogger.  He has a nice slim torso picture on his profile, so I should have known he would be hot.  But, in my mind, he looked like another guy that I used to blow, so in my mind he wasn't so fit and trim.  But, in fact he was smoking hot.

I wondered about his perception of me, and of course in many ways I wasn't what he expected.  I loved his description;

 I can totally empathize with picturing a certain person when you interact with someone. For me though, it was a bit more cerebral.  The way you write, I was expecting a bit more of a cocky frat guy type that's heavily closeted and paranoid. I know there's a lot of judgement in that statement but I swear I mean it in an archetype level than a criticism of your writing. I mean, you're writing about hookups so it's really about getting your nut, which then makes it seem like you're a little egocentric with your needs... But you're actually really sensitive in an earnest and novel way.  Ugh, I'm doing a horrible job of explaining what I mean. Like, I was expecting someone that's very direct in a hot masculine sort of way but instead you're more direct in a more contemplative and equally hot but sincere way. Is that a little better?

I love that from my writing, he thought I was a (older version of) a cocky, closeted frat guy!  Is that what everyone pictures?  Oh, if only I could get in all your heads!

In reality I feel like such a bumbling dork, with a few left over self esteem issues, and he thought I was a cocky frat guy type.  Bless his handsome heart.

Thanks for meeting me Blogger.  I didn't mention you specifically, because I wanted the other readers to enjoy the puzzle, of figuring out who you are.  I hope you're cool with that.