Dear Diary. Another update.

Sunday, September 28, 2014


The Wannabe boyfriend and I have either texted or e-mailed every day since last weekend.  He keeps telling em how often I am on his mind.  It's sweet, and I know he wants to hear something similar back, but I'm a more guarded person.   He's even dropped the "L" word a couple of time.

And while I appreciate his candor, and his ability to get caught up in the notion of romance, I don't think he really loves me.  How could he?  He doesn't really know that much about me.

I do think he loves the IDEA of having a boyfriend.  A lover.  I'm just worried he's falling too fast, too hard, and when he figures out that I'm a little emotionless and kind of a player, he'll be broken-hearted.

Actually, that may have happened already.

We knew we couldn't get together this weekend, as he had a "retreat" to attend.  Some kind of overnight affair.  But Thursday he texted and asked if he could borrow a sleeping bag for the retreat.  I said sure, but how to get it to him?  He said he wanted to come to Salt Lake, Thursday evening, to pick up the sleeping bag, and also spend the night.  I was a little reluctant as I knew I would be working late, then had to work the next morning, but I agreed.

I picked him up from downtown late Thursday night, after I got off work, and we came home, relaxed for about a half hour, then went to bed.  Nothing sexual, just cuddling etc.  The next morning we had sex, and I didn't cum, but he asked to be sucked off, which is the first time he's asked for that, and he cummed in my mouth.

I was tired at work, as my sleep with him had not been particularly sound, but I made it through the day.  Saturday, he e-mailed in the early afternoon, saying his retreat was over and he was finally at home.  Later, we chatted on the phone, and I invited him over.

Problem is that train service doesn't run on Sunday, so getting home would be a problem.  I think he was waiting for me to offer to drive him home Sunday, but I don't want to do that.  That's about a 2 hour round trip for me, and I guess I'm just selfish, but right now, I don't think it's worth it.

Later, he texted and asked if he would stay both Saturday and Sunday nights, if I took him to the Front Runner station to catch the 5AM train on Monday.

Ummm What?  Get up at 4:30?

I declined.

He then texted a few hours later saying that "it would have been nice to spend the weekend with you" which I correctly understood to mean, he wasn't coming.  So far, I've not heard from him.  All last week he's sent a good morning text.

Actually, I think this is a good thing.  I need to let him know he just might be getting involved with a guy that can be an asshole sometimes.  I'm no knight in shining armor, and I think his fantasy of the perfect silver daddy boyfriend ready to spend hours commuting to Provo for a nights cuddle, be dispelled as quickly as possible.

It's true, I do want the boyfriend experience, but my ideal boyfriend is independent and capable of either hosting at his place, or being able to come and go from mine.  If he doesn't have a car, then that's fine, but be able to use public transport, ride a bicycle or take a taxi as needed.

Maybe I'm just a jerk, who doesn't know a good thing when he's got it.