Dear Diary. Gay Drama.
Well, I think I'm in the midst of Gay Drama. Once again, I think communication is at the root of the problem, although I think my new Amigo's expectations are to blame as well.
Things were going along great. We had a really nice weekend together, despite a few things not working out.
Saturday night we were going to see a movie and eat some food at my favorite place, but I guess I underestimated the crowd wanting to see the movie, and we bought the last two tickets. We went into the theater but couldn't even find two seats together! We got our money refunded, and tried to just order food, but the place was so busy, I couldn't even place my order. We just left and got tacos.
Sunday we woke to find a cold front had blown through. It was expected, and I didn't think it would hamper our hiking plans, however after a 45 min drive, we discovered it had snowed in the mountains we were planning on hiking in.
We turned around and came back. We went on a much smaller hike nearby, got some burgers, then came home for a very nice cuddle and nap, before I dropped him back off at the train.
On Monday, my Amigo texted me saying he had a few days off of work, and this would allow him to spend his nights with me this week.
I declined, saying that I needed to focus on work. His reply that sleeping together didn't need to include messing around in the bed, but again I declined saying I didn't sleep as soundly with him, as I did when I sleep along.
His reply: (sound of crickets)
I got the silent treatment.
I think he feels rejected.
The truth is, he would like to speed up this relationship at a MUCH faster pace than I would.
He even brought up marriage this last weekend!
Well, I've never even had a boyfriend before. It's going to be a long time before I'm interested in even considering a marriage. More likely that I never get married. I just don't see it for me.
So, I think I'll take things as they come. I am enjoying our time together, and enjoying getting to know my new Amigo. All I can do is to take things at my own pace and not let him rush me. Honestly I can do without the daily mushy texts he usually sends me. It's sweet, but a little mushy for my tastes.
I'll keep you posted. It's only been a day of the silent treatment. If it last through the weekend, then I'll take action. Until then, I think it best not to become too concerned.
take advantage of the flattery and the want for him to be with you.... opportunities like these dont come along to often... he see's something in you that he likes. Go ahead let it happen
ReplyDeleteIn some respects, I agree with you anonymous. Good connections are hard to find and they should be valued when they come along. On the other hand, a good connection with a fundamentally incompatible partner is a potential nightmare: you care too much to let things go, yet your brain keeps telling you the relationship can't work. That contradiction causes the two of you go 'round and 'around for an extended period of time, until one day, when the whole situation finally collapses.
DeleteAm I saying that Jack and his amigo are fundamentally incompatible? No, I'm not. But when Jack says he needs to go at his own pace, I heartily agree. If things are meant to work out, Amigo will be patient and understanding and Jack will gradually become more willing to compromise and be mushy. That's what happens in positive and healthy relationships. If it turns out that Jack needs more independence than Amigo is willing to give him, it's best for both of them to know that sooner rather than later.
Jack, if you do decide to take action, I suggest that you make no mention of his silence. Say hi and skip over the whole issue unless he brings it up. Don't reward him with attention just because he behaved in an immature way. Also, you might want to try to have a quality discussion with him about your mutual relationship expectations. If you both understand where you're coming from, you might have fewer of these sorts of misunderstandings.
A word of caution: When one party is overeager for a relationship and the other party is ambivalent you can have the makings of a fatal attraction type of problem. Be cautious with him and watch for any signs that he has expectations that exceed what is reasonable. He sounds like he's in love with the notion of being in love and a little needy.
ReplyDeleteHopefully, if he feels you are not proceeding at the pace he wants he'll just go away in a snit. But some people get vindictive.
Indeed. Its a delicate balancing act. I'm enjoying the attention, but I'm guarded. I'd like to be more open, but don't want to give away too much, in case this fails or I want out, I don't want to be vulnerable to attack.
DeleteLuckily, things are going well. Read the next couple of entries.
I hope things continue in a positive direction.
Hi, interesting thoughts here. However, from my perspective, what I see in "amigo" is a rather Latino tyo if behaviour. A mentality thing. Latin men can be much more open and forward with their emotions, in good and bad. I made this experience few times, it is what attracts me towards them, since I'm very much the opposite.
ReplyDeletei wouldn't worry to much. Keep in mind the intercultural nature of your relationship and enjoy being wanted.
Oh, just one other thing: he's not a native English speaker. If you'd talk to him in his own language, he might have more refined ways to describe what he wants. I lost a relation once for lacking this fundamental awareness: I didn't realize what my partner meant, but only what he was able to express in a foreign language.